The Call of the Wild

The Call of the Wild

Wild has basically two definitions according to Google:

  1. living or growing in the natural environment, not domesticated or cultivated.
  2. uncontrolled or unrestrained, especially in the pursuit of pleasure.

blondes go camping

For a big chunk of my life my friends and family have called me “Wild”, and I always took a slight offense to that up until this point in my life. See, while this separation has brought new challenges to my forefront and can be full of some sad trying times, it’s brought me to the beautiful realization that being wild is my nature and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I lived for a long time dealing with shame about my actions, feeling guilty for doing things that made me happy when other people would judge those actions as something other than the joy they were bringing me. I felt like it wasn’t ok to be wild. That being wild was a mistake within me that I needed to somehow tame. And try to tame myself I did. I got married, “settled-down”, had babies, all in efforts to become what other people around me were telling me I was supposed to be. To live a life that would be accepted by everyone else instead of judged. The day I realized my marriage was really truly over and no matter how much tame living I did there was no fixing it, I let all those flying fucks right out the window.

being wild camping canoeing florida state parks

I’m the kind of person in a relationship where I’ll literally give up who I am as a person in order to fulfill the wants/needs/desires of my partner. This is what I thought love was like, but at the end of all my relationships I’ve been left a shell of a person. Realizing, no wonder he left me I’m boring as shit and my life basically revolved around him. Ew, I know. Learn with me from my mistakes tho… When my marriage ended I made it a point to start to learn about myself more. See, I was at this point of being able to live the life I wanted to, but was unsure of what kind of life that was. Slowly but surely I found myself slipping back into my wild ways, but there was a new sense of power with them this time. I’ve discovered that if I could describe myself with one single word I would use the word Wild to do so. No regrets or shame surrounding it this time either.

 

You know that famous Eleanor Roosevelt quote: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Well that’s where I’m at right now. For so long I allowed others to make me feel ashamed for doing things that brought me joy. I allowed the judgement of others to rob the happiness from the fun I was having. This Summer I stopped giving other people my consent. I decided to be who I want to be and live the way I want to live. As long as no one is getting hurt what business is it of ANYONE’S what or who I’m doing with my life? My children are loved, well taken care of and living beyond blessed lives. On my days without the kids I literally do WHATEVER  THE FUCK I WANT. & it’s magical I swear. I’m proud to be wild.

In late August one weekend without the kids I woke up on Saturday morning and just decided to go camping. Out of no where. One of my best friends agreed to go with me and we just spent the weekend in the forest making s’mores and vibing out on music. We went canoeing in Springs, walked nature trails and built our own fire. It was badass and I felt a sense of calm in the wilderness that I’d never known before. I wasn’t afraid of the huge spiders because I felt in my natural habitat. Like where has camping been all my life?

Since then I’ve spent more time outside the past few months than I think I have my entire life combined up until this point. I feel a real connection to being outside. I feel free & connected to all the right things. While I love my online community I also adore being away from cell service, where no one can reach me and where I can’t cyber stalk any of my ex’s because I’m alone. Being able to disconnect from my phone has proved to be such an incredible experience for me. I like to find state parks in driving distance after work to go on hikes after a long day cooped up in the office, I like swimming in water so clear I can see the fishies around me, and I love going down a trail- not knowing where it will end just trusting that I’ll get to where I’m supposed to be at some point.

I recently went on my second adult camping trip with my brother a couple weekends ago and Ocala is AMAZING this time of year. I can’t wait to get back up there soon! The whole point of this post is: it’s okay to be wild. Even if we’re just coming from a lush standpoint, it’s okay to make the things that are pleasurable to you a top priority for you. And pleasure isn’t just found in sex, drugs, booze, and partying. I find pleasure in cooking a meal for myself from scratch, even if I’m the only one eating it. I find pleasure in dancing half naked in my kitchen to Taylor Swift on full-blast and not having to listen to someone bitch about it not being “real music”. I adore being able to finish a bottle of champagne in an hour if I want to just as much as I love being able to pack up a tent and a pillow and sleep outside for the night with only water and a cliff bar to sustain me.  I don’t understand where or when being wild became a negative thing to be, but IDGAF about how anyone feels about my wildness anymore. I’m forever trying to surround myself with natural elements, be unrestricted with the actions that bring me happiness, and live my life to the fullest, however wild that might be.

If you’re interested in going camping I added a few of my favorite inexpensive camping essentials, I definitely recommend trying it out. It was a ton of fun and if I can keep myself alive in the middle of nowhere anyone can.

Shop Camping Essentials 

 

 

 

Viva Las Vegas – Day 2

Viva Las Vegas – Day 2

There’s no sleep in Sin City, that’s for sure. Between going to bed LATE Vegas time and waking up early east coast time, we didn’t get much sleep. However, we were thrilled to get day two in Las Vegas started with some fun.

Our first stop was The Neon Museum, a graveyard of all the great Old Las Vegas signs. We had a wonderful time looking around at all the old signs and learning their history. I also have a whole post dedicated to The Neon Museum Experience, so I won’t spill TOO many of the details here.

the neon museum las vegas

After hitting up The Neon Museum, we decided to go check out Old Las Vegas/Fremont Street. The Fremont street experience is totally unique. It’s so much outside of the strip that it feels like it’s own version of the strip, just slightly more “vintage”. We grabbed drinks at a hotel I assume was only named after my own hearts desire, The D. Before walking right into Fremont East. Fremont East feels like where most locals go when they want to go out. There’s really cool dive bars and the prices are MUCH better than they are on the strip. There’s cool vintage signs everywhere, and everyone walking around just has that certain cool AF vibe.

the d las vegas

fremont east las vegas

Shop This Look

 

We ate lunch inside The Golden Nugget at The Paradise Buffet. This was an experience all in it’s own. While I can’t say that the food was amazing (it tasted pretty cheap, because it was pretty cheap), the way the restaurant is set up and all the gorgeous attention to detail in this Chinese Garden style cafe was worth the scavenge for decent grub. I felt like a princess in my pink plush booth, surrounded by ornate light fixtures and wonderful topiaries, definitely come for breakfast if you can – I’m sure their french toast is better than their lasagna and you’ll love being in the atmosphere this buffet offers.

paradise buffet old las vegas

paradise buffet las vegas

 

After lunch we went to the room to rest for a bit, then changed clothes and headed to Caesar’s Palace. Both Jawny and I had drink campaigns to shoot for there, and James was at the Black Jack table with a co-worker so it all worked out perfectly to spend the afternoon checking out the hotel part. After some casino exploration, Jawny and I stepped inside the Venus pool, on accident actually we were just trying to find a bar, and we walked into this 21+ area thinking it was like a club at the pool and then all of a sudden titties were out EVERYWHERE. While I am all about the free spirit lifestyle, I wasn’t in a mental state to pull my DD’s out at that point so we quickly got some God’s Mimosa’s from the bar and explored OUTSIDE the closed curtain. The pool at Caesar’s is truly unlike anything I have ever seen or experienced before in my entire life. The numerous statues, fountains and sculptures all in true Greco-Roman style where just magnificent to behold in person. Walking into the Garden of the God’s Oasis I felt really overwhelmed with the excitement and stunning amenities. Maybe it was the $30 perfect mimosa talking, but I honestly think I could just live my life at that pool area and be a content AF individual.

 

the gods mimosa ceasar's palace

garden of the gods oasis caesar's palace las vegas

garden of the gods oasis caesar's palace las vegas

Shop This Look

 

 

Since I was stupid and didn’t wear my bathing suit to Caesar’s pool, we headed back to The Palms and hit up their rooftop pool for a bit before changing clothes to have dinner at the AYCE buffet and going out for the evening. Our first stop that night was the Bellagio. I HAD to watch the fountains, which play a new song ever half hour. We missed the first one so we walked inside to check out the current conservatory art installation and grabbing a fancy drink at the bar.

bellagio las vegas

After a certain point, Vegas just seems like a bunch of the same stuff with a different theme surrounding it, but it’s still to go check out the different themes to each piece of real estate out there. We hit up The Cosmopolitan to have a drink at the ultra swanky Chandelier, took in the sights of the bright neon lights of the strip, then finally got prime viewing space for a wonderful fountain show at the Bellagio.

paris las vegas at night

The days and nights are long out in Vegas, so after the show we headed back to Fremont East to check out some of the hipper and cheaper night life. Our first stop was Commonwealth, a very Euro style pub with live music and a rooftop deck. While we sipped on cocktails we plotted our next stop, and decided on Beauty Bar. Beauty Bar was probably my favorite bar. It legit looked like a beauty salon inside, but instead of hair styling tools at every station, there were rows and rows of every liquor you could think of. They had some live hardcore music, which was a suprise given the very girly decor, but I was into it. I was beat after Beauty Bar since waking up at 7am, so we went back to the hotel for room service and bed right after so we could make the most of our final day in Vegas.

paris las vegas at night

The End is Only the Beginning- About the Separation

The End is Only the Beginning- About the Separation

The separation :

As a blogger, for me, you often go back and forth between how much REALness you wanna be real about…

And because I have no filter it can sometimes become a very thin line… but I do like to keep somethings to me.

For starters I like to keep my kids off IG. You’ll see me post pics and stories  here and there of them, and it’s not some kind of “I wanna keep my kids off social media thing” it’s just because for me, my IG is a creative outlet and I feel like it gives me an identity other than “mother”.

Secondly, my personal relationships, it’s not hard for me to share stories or posts of my friends bc 90% of them are bloggers. But when it comes to romantic relationships it’s a gray area for me.

My marriage ended this past May, for those of you who know my life or have been following me for a while, I’m sure you noticed when I stopped wearing my rings because they were pretty noticeable.

I want you to know I’m not writing this post to appease anyone, I’m writing this one for me. Sometimes, it’s easier for me as a person to compartmentalize by writing, so here we go.

James and I are really good friends and that’s all we’re ever going to be. I move into a new apartment on my own this weekend and while I’m very nervous and sad about the things I’m leaving behind, I’m also really excited to have this independence that I’ve grown to yearn for. This Summer I felt more free than I have in quite sometime. I traveled, I spent a lot of time with my friends, and I had SO much fun.

I’ve gotten a bunch of questions regarding the separation and I wanted to take a moment to answer them.

Q: I think some days I confuse friendship with love. Would you say you experienced this too?

A: 100%. At one point I basically just felt we were in a glorified roommate situation. I’d bitch when he didn’t pick up after himself, and we’d watch Netflix together a lot. We’re great friends and there’s a deep love in my heart that I do have for my friends, but as far as romantic, intimate love, it’s not something that was in my marriage for a long time. We just didn’t have that chemistry anymore.

Q: How are the kids handling it?

A: To be honest, I’m not sure that they grasp that we aren’t together anymore quite yet. Being that we have still been living together this Summer, and I’m just now moving this weekend, not much has changed in their day to day lives. Cash notices that I am working now, and if I spend the night out he’ll ask the next day “Mommy where did you go?”, but there’s not much of a change for them yet. We’ve kept things as normal as possible for the boys and now I think both James and I are better parents because we maximize our “days” with the kids by making memories with them instead of just watching movies after dinner.

Q: Do you feel guilty? 

A: Not one bit. I experienced some self-induced “mom shame” at one point because I have been going out and really living my best life, which is something I wasn’t doing before, but then I reminded myself that there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty for being happy. What kind of mother would I be if I didn’t actively show my children that there IS more to life than getting married and having babies? I’m a lead by example kind of person, and I fully believe that it’s crucial for my children to see me happy. I don’t have guilt about walking away from my marriage either because this separation wasn’t a one-sided thing. I’m not the only one who saw this coming, I’m not the only one who wanted out. Our split was mutual and so there’s absolutely no guilt in that sense either.

Q: Did you try couples counseling?

A: No. Why pay someone hundreds of dollars to tell us what we already knew? Honestly we had both hit a point where we knew we COULD try harder, but neither of us wanted to make those kinds of efforts to save a sinking ship.

In these past few months I have spent SO much time with my friends and family. If you’re going through anything similar my biggest piece of advice would be to utilize your community. I’m such a lucky girl because my friends are legitimately the best. They’ve held me when I needed to cry, they’ve got me good and liquored up when I didn’t want to think about it, and now this weekend they’ve agreed to camp in my new empty apartment with me. We all need friends, allow them to help you heal and you’ll be blessed.

I recently started writing more, a book about all the lovers I’ve known and how those relationships had an impact on who I am as a person today. I’ve also started learning Portuguese, writing poetry, and spending a lot of time in nature. I spent a lot of my life trying to attain the things that society made me feel I needed as a woman. A house, a car, a husband, children etc… I never stopped to look in the mirror and see who I was, or what I really wanted. I’m so grateful to have experienced all the wonder that marriage and motherhood has given me. I’m also grateful that I now get to move forward as a mature woman, with new goals, new challenges to conquer, and the ability to discover who I truly am.

 

Summer Swimwear: White High Waist Bikini

Summer Swimwear: White High Waist Bikini

I’ve recently completed a month of Keto eating and started working out 4-5 days a week. While I’ve still got a long way to go as far as where I want to be health wise, I feel great about my accomplishments and how far I’ve come already. Ready to go on some nice vacations and kick back at the pool all summer long. One thing I’ve always dreaded is looking at myself in any kind of swimwear, but I’ve recently found the best online site for swimwear that’s made for curvy girls like me!

curvy girl swimwear

curvy girl swimwear

To celebrate this newfound confidence, I partnered with Swimsuits for All to grab a few Summer Swimwear pieces that’ll be perfect for beach vacations and pool days in the upcoming months. One of my favorite pieces, that I’m hear to talk about with you today is this gorgeous High Waist White Bikini. The high waist and ruching throughout the top and center panel make it super flattering on my hips. It’s also got a nice bit of control and support through the top, which is important on a curvier girl like myself.

One thing I really love about ordering bikini’s from Swimsuits for All is the ability to customize top and bottom sizing. I get a size 12 in the bottoms but a 14 in the tops for my larger chest. This customization ability really helps me ensure I get the perfect fitting swimsuit every time I order.

curvy girl swimwear

curvy girl swimwear

While I know most curvier girls would choose darker colors to hide things they’re uncomfortable with, I really love how the crisp white swimsuit makes me look SO TAN! A tan itself can really be flattering for anyone, so adding a white suit to really contrast my tan actually helps slim my body!

curvy girl swimwear

Keep an eye out for more curvy recommendations for swimwear coming at you this summer!

Shop This Post

The Neon Museum – Las Vegas

The Neon Museum – Las Vegas

the neon museum las vegas

The second day we were in Vegas I hit something that’s been on my bucket list for years, The Neon Museum. The Neon Museum is like a graveyard for literally the best and BRIGHTEST (see what I did there) of Las Vegas’s Street Signs, only the museum gives them a new life both in the daytime and at night when the whole park lights up in all the olden glory and splendor of the good ol’ days.

the neon museum las vegas

Jawny and I decided that since we were all about experiencing Vegas nightlife in the present, we’d hit up the museum during the day and I’m really glad we did, because it gave us the ability to get great photos and also see the character and real age of these glorious old signs.

There’s really nothing like experiencing this old boneyard in person. Some of my favorite signs personally were:

the neon museum las vegas

Sassy Sally, not only sounds like my legit spirit animal, but according to our tour brochure, Sa$$y Sally used subliminal messaging in her sign with the two $$’s encouraging gamblers to spend money and win big!

the neon museum las vegas

At 188 feet, The Stardust sign was the tallest in the world in 1968.

the neon museum las vegas

If you don’t want this guy to be your new best friend, we can’t be friends.

the neon museum las vegas

The Lido de Paris was a show at the Stardust, which was imported from Paris in 1958 and ran it’s final curtain call in 1991. The show ran for 32.5 years, seeing audiences of over 19 million people throughout it’s 22,000 performances.

the neon museum las vegas

While I couldn’t find much information on the Clark Inn, it was most definitely my favorite sign to find (for obvious reasons).

The Neon Museum is open daily from 9:30am-11pm. Next time I’m out west, I’ll definitely be checking it out at nighttime, when all the beautiful signs light up and you can really see how resilient the ghosts of this town really are.

 

 

 

 

Vegas, Baby! Day 1

Vegas, Baby! Day 1

Literally just got home from Vegas yesterday morning at 1am, so I’m trying to get all these posts written before my short term memory completely escapes me. Our flight left Florida at 6am and because I haven’t done my TSA pre-check and am the most paranoid traveler (time wise), we left my house for the airport at 3am. While the early flight was so awful to wake up for, we were able to get to Vegas at 8:30 am their time, so we had the whole day ahead of us which was perfect, losing a day in travel when going across time zones is the WORST. PSA: NEVER FLY FRONTIER IT’S THE WORST!

checking in at the palms in vegas

Shop This Look

After checking into The Palms (which is absolutely STUNNING since their remodel), we started the day right at their AYCE breakfast buffet, which was really inexpensive with  high quality options like eggs benedict, and gourmet french toast. Had to get the party started since we WERE in Vegas after all, and I was so surprised to find that their Mimosas at the buffet were NOT watered down and ONLY $7! After breakfast I ran across the street to Apothecary, a legal recreational weed dispensary and picked up some Vegas party supplies. Jawny, my very best friend, and I threw back some edibles, changed clothes, then hopped in an Uber to check out The Forum Shops at Caesar’s Palace. This was unlike any shopping center I have ever seen. So many high-end luxury shops inside a gorgeous Grecian Promenade. The ceilings were painted like a gorgeous sunset, and there were beautiful architectural details as well as stunning fountains and sculptures everywhere your eye turned. This is definitely a Vegas MUST, especially if shopping is your cardio, I could have shopped in there for an entire day if my bank account would have allowed it. We had the most delicious Gelato EVER before heading back to the hotel for a cat nap.

cute scooter at the forum shops at caesar's palace

gorgeous statutes at the forum shops at caesar's palace

Shop This Look

 

Jawny and I at the Forum shops at Caesar's Palace

amazing gelato from the forum shops center court in caesar's palace

After a good power nap, we started to get ready for an event we were invited to at APEX night club. The event was open bar, and full of some really awesome professionals in the mortgage industry. See, most people at The Palms that week were there for Masterminds, a mortgage industry conference. It was really cool to meet some of James’ work people, and socialize with a completely different crowd. The mortgage industry is real different from the blogging world, but they sure know how to put on one hell of an event!

ready for an event at Apex lounge at the palms in vegas

kate spade palm tree earrings perfect for a night at the palms in vegas

best friends

Shop This Look

 

Since I was already all decked out in some cocktail hour attire, we decided to cap off our evening visiting Camden Cocktail Lounge in the lobby of The Palms. This lounge was SO nice, they had high end artwork hanging on almost every wall, and the intimate lighting and soft, plush seating areas really made this bar worth the $16 per drink fine. I felt SO FANCY sitting there with my glass of champagne checking out Andy Warhol originals.

camden lounge the palms vegas

 

I ended the night with some cheaper champagne, some late night cravings from Lucky Penny (The Palms delicious 24 hr eatery) and in my room safe & sound. Vegas day one was SUCH a blast! Check for Day 2 soon!

 

 

 

Let’s Get Rowdy!

Let’s Get Rowdy!

Tampa Bay Rowdies Game Gal Getaway

Have you ever gotten rowdy in public? haha You all know I have, which is why when I saw a fun and free blogger event in partnership with the Tampa Bay Rowdies I definitely wanted to attend. At the end of July, Kahlea Nicole, founder of Gal Getaway, hosted a free Rowdies Soccer event for bloggers in the central Florida area. I rode from Orlando with two of my favorite Orlando Fashion Influencers: Alex of Alex Luciano and Nikki of Nikki A Hall aka The Fashionable Accountant to Al Lang Stadium in St. Pete to be a part of the fun festivities.

tampa bay rowdies game gal getaway

We enjoyed food and drinks with about 50 other influencers from the area. As a blogger, you can follow other bloggers for so long that you start to feel like you know them in real life even if you haven’t met before. Events like this are great because we actually do get to meet in person and no one minds posing for or taking a million different pics!

tampa bay rowdies game gal getaway

Tampa Bay Rowdies Game Gal Getaway

We were set up in a cute and cozy VIP Lounge area curtesy of Ashley Furniture HomeStore. The luxe outdoor couches and rugs made the it feel like we weren’t even in a sports arena as we watched the Rowdies play soccer that evening.

Honestly, while I’m not super into watching live sports, I have to say watching soccer was so much fun! It’s really fast paced so I feel like it’s a sport that my ever dwindling attention span can handle. It didn’t hurt having a bar right behind me and a nice comfy couch to sit on though!

Tampa Bay Rowdies Game Gal Getaway

If you’re in the Tampa/St. Pete area I definitely suggest hitting up a Rowdies game sometime!

Since I don’t own a lot of athletic attire, I decided to go with a white Free People dress, leopard slip-ons, and add a pop of green (Rowdies color) to my outfit with my lace bralette. This dress is PERFECT for curvy girls as it has snaps to re-enforce the buttons if they start to pull. It runs a little big. I typically wear a numerical size 12 in Free People clothing but picked up this dress in a size 10. Plus is has pockets *holla* <3

Tampa Bay Rowdies Game Gal Getaway

Tampa Bay Rowdies Game Gal Getaway

Shop This Post

 

Gaining Self-Confidence 101

Gaining Self-Confidence 101

Self-Confidence, while some people are beaming with it, others have a hard time fully diving into self-love and I used to be one of the latter. I’ve recently gotten a lot of DMs and comments asking how I got so confident. Self-confidence is a tricky thing to learn, and feeling confident in a swimsuit at the beach or pool during the summer in front of a ton of people is really difficult, so I wanted to take the time today to write out some tips on how I managed to kick my self-doubt, rock a bikini at the beach, and give absolutely no fucks.

curvy girl confidence

To get to a place of confidence with who you are, you first have to start remember when and why you started doubting your greatness in the first place. Is it because your body doesn’t look like every other ad and instagram person you’re following? Was someone rude or awful to you about your body at some point? Was a “helpful” relative constantly telling you how to eat better or trying to force you into physical activities because “you’ll feel so much better when you lose the weight”? Whatever your WHY story is, you need to find it and address it and talk yourself OUT of that mentality.Write it down if you need to, that’s what worked for me.  The process is gunna look something like this:

WHY AM I SELF-CONSCIOUS?

I’m self-conscious because I feel like my body isn’t perfect. I have extra weight to lose, my thighs touch, I have cellulite, fat rolls, pasty skin, my teeth aren’t totally white, arms jiggle when I wave, all the bad things. I think those things matter to me because society has placed a pretty big emphasis on being thin and perfect to get what you want out of life. My mother and grandmother’s were always on different fad diets to lose weight when I was growing up, so it’s been engrained in me, that being thin is what makes me worthy. 

Then you need to deconstruct that statement sentence by sentence to turn it into something postitive.

WHY SHOULD I BE CONFIDENT IN MYSELF?

I’m confident in myself because I know I was made perfectly with all my imperfections. My boobs are amazing and so is my ass, I love how tan I can get when spending time outside. I’m hilarious and have amazing style. I have a big heart and am compassionate towards other people. I put out a lot of good into the universe. While my family made an impact on me as a child, I’m grown now and realize that being thin has nothing to do with internal happiness and doesn’t validate who I am as a person. I am awesome, I am beautiful-flaws and all, and no one who doesn’t love me for me deserves my love or concern in return.

This little bit of work will really go along way. Save that positive mantra, condense it, and repeat a small version to yourself everytime you let those negative thoughts creep in. Anytime I think another girl is hotter than me, this is what I say to myself: “Everyone is unique and wonderful in their own way. Her beauty is not greater or less than your own. You are also gorgeous, hilarious, and you can rock a bikini. You look amazing, you are awesome. You look amazing and you are fucking awesome.” Then I just repeat that over and over in my head (sometimes outloud if need be) until I no longer have the negative thoughts.

curvy girl confidence curvy swim

Now everyone is super different so your condensed version may look a little different, but it’s important to have something quick and positive sitting in the back of your mind to reference when that self-doubt starts to creep in. Otherwise, you’ll fall prey to your negative thinking and just be screwed.

It’s important that you start believing the positive things you say about yourself too. If you say “I’m so gorgeous” but really inside are still thinking “you are you kidding you hideous beast”, it’s not gunna make you feel any better at all. Rid yourself of the negative thoughts and you’ll be on the fast track to self-love. It’s a long process, but we’re in this together.

Now you should go and love yourself. <3

confident curvy girls on the beach

curvy girl swimsuit confidence

Shop This Post