Self-Confidence, while some people are beaming with it, others have a hard time fully diving into self-love and I used to be one of the latter. I’ve recently gotten a lot of DMs and comments asking how I got so confident. Self-confidence is a tricky thing to learn, and feeling confident in a swimsuit at the beach or pool during the summer in front of a ton of people is really difficult, so I wanted to take the time today to write out some tips on how I managed to kick my self-doubt, rock a bikini at the beach, and give absolutely no fucks.
To get to a place of confidence with who you are, you first have to start remember when and why you started doubting your greatness in the first place. Is it because your body doesn’t look like every other ad and instagram person you’re following? Was someone rude or awful to you about your body at some point? Was a “helpful” relative constantly telling you how to eat better or trying to force you into physical activities because “you’ll feel so much better when you lose the weight”? Whatever your WHY story is, you need to find it and address it and talk yourself OUT of that mentality.Write it down if you need to, that’s what worked for me. The process is gunna look something like this:
WHY AM I SELF-CONSCIOUS?
I’m self-conscious because I feel like my body isn’t perfect. I have extra weight to lose, my thighs touch, I have cellulite, fat rolls, pasty skin, my teeth aren’t totally white, arms jiggle when I wave, all the bad things. I think those things matter to me because society has placed a pretty big emphasis on being thin and perfect to get what you want out of life. My mother and grandmother’s were always on different fad diets to lose weight when I was growing up, so it’s been engrained in me, that being thin is what makes me worthy.
Then you need to deconstruct that statement sentence by sentence to turn it into something postitive.
WHY SHOULD I BE CONFIDENT IN MYSELF?
I’m confident in myself because I know I was made perfectly with all my imperfections. My boobs are amazing and so is my ass, I love how tan I can get when spending time outside. I’m hilarious and have amazing style. I have a big heart and am compassionate towards other people. I put out a lot of good into the universe. While my family made an impact on me as a child, I’m grown now and realize that being thin has nothing to do with internal happiness and doesn’t validate who I am as a person. I am awesome, I am beautiful-flaws and all, and no one who doesn’t love me for me deserves my love or concern in return.
This little bit of work will really go along way. Save that positive mantra, condense it, and repeat a small version to yourself everytime you let those negative thoughts creep in. Anytime I think another girl is hotter than me, this is what I say to myself: “Everyone is unique and wonderful in their own way. Her beauty is not greater or less than your own. You are also gorgeous, hilarious, and you can rock a bikini. You look amazing, you are awesome. You look amazing and you are fucking awesome.” Then I just repeat that over and over in my head (sometimes outloud if need be) until I no longer have the negative thoughts.
Now everyone is super different so your condensed version may look a little different, but it’s important to have something quick and positive sitting in the back of your mind to reference when that self-doubt starts to creep in. Otherwise, you’ll fall prey to your negative thinking and just be screwed.
It’s important that you start believing the positive things you say about yourself too. If you say “I’m so gorgeous” but really inside are still thinking “you are you kidding you hideous beast”, it’s not gunna make you feel any better at all. Rid yourself of the negative thoughts and you’ll be on the fast track to self-love. It’s a long process, but we’re in this together.
Now you should go and love yourself. <3
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